Long gone before daylight

The triumphant feeling I had last night has faded and I feel quite puzzled today.

I have trouble at work. I don't like it. Working that is.

I quite enjoy it for a few hours, but then I just beg to god that the day would end. And I've become a really annoying moaner - really annoying.

I'm always asking if I could get off earlier... I don't like it cause I hade slackers, the kind I'm becoming.

Also: school starts in a month, and I feel like I'm really not ready or up to it.

Third thing, is the toughest.

I don't really feel secure about myself or my relationship with my boyfriend.

I feel like this was too easy. We fought and now we're happily together, but I still feel we've not quite suffered enough to be this happy.

You see, in life, usually, you get the best things with sweat and blood... I'm not saying it has to be that way.

Maybe it's just me.

I've never really felt really really secure in my skin, though I know I'm not really hideous or even a unlikeable person.

I was thinking about this at work and I remembered a funny thing from my first year at school.

I was at the school cafeteria having lunch, and at the time we had milkcartons on the tables instead of the machines they have now (cause obviously it was the stone age; I'm 21 for fucks sakes :E) and I was opening the carton, but I couldn't get it to open, cause sometimes the glue is harder and the paper doesn't bend right... 

There was some other people in the table and I remember some girls laughing and that I felt bad about it and that I blamed the way I was about the whole situation.

It got me thinking; why would a 7 year old think about his or her looks/charecter being the reason for a negative experience. Why couldn't I just think they laughed cause it looked funny when I struggled to open the milk... Hmm.

The realization of the fact that I've been so self-concious for so long was very very eerie.

How can I ever see myself in a positive way when the roots of my bad self-confidence lay so back in my life.

A lot of text about absolutely nothing, I guess.

But I'd like to remember this one day when I go back on my entries.

Jumping to a whole another thing:

I've been listening to Anouks new album and it totally ROCKS ! Who's Your Momma is like one of the best albums ever - or this year atleast.

I love it. I love her voice, it's so raw... The whole album is greart, really.

When you listen to the whole album, after, after you'll know who your momma is. She owns you.

(Anouk - Good God)

This video is so great! So kitch! Me loves it.
Listen to this also, makes me cry every time:


(Anouk - If You Were Mine)

The lungs <3